For many years I’ve suffered from a condition that doctors have deemed incurable. It causes extreme physical pain and leaves parts of my body and skin disfigured.
When I was first diagnosed with it at 19, I didn’t realize how serious it was or how it would affect my life in the long run. The doctor whom initially diagnosed me, made it seem like it was no big deal. As time went on and it got worse, I never believed that I could be healed. Why? Because no one told me. Not family members, friends, and I certainly didn’t hear about people being healed in church. I was off and on with my relationship with God and did not read the Bible as I should have. I was ignorant for many years. Until the past 3 years, I slowly started to believe I could be healed. First, it started with a prayer. Then it started with connecting with family and friends asking for their prayers, and then learning what God’s word says about healing. Now, I believe every day and my faith grows stronger and stronger.
The real turning point came when I was visiting my sister and her husband came to me and told me that an Apostle I had met (his friend) saw my condition by the Holy Spirit and told him that it was a spirit causing the condition. I was bewildered. I didn’t understand. So, within in 15 mins before leaving on a flight back to California, my Brother in Law tried to explain to me spiritual warfare and principalities. I started at him blankly, saying, “I don’t understand.”
Fast forward 3 years later and I do understand. I am fighting! I am a fighter in the spirit. I war against what is trying to cripple the destiny and purpose inside of me. I understand that although there is pain, physical and emotional, but that there also is healing. My condition has allowed me to minister to several other people with different conditions. I understand their pain, but I also have a solution – Jesus.
There are days when I cry uncontrollably at night because I’m tired. There are days when I can barely walk. There are days when I’m running really low, but by the grace of God I am able to continue pressing on. It’s not easy, but I want to keep living. I know that as long as I keep waking up every morning there is purpose inside of me that nothing can cripple. God promises to never leave us or forsake us and it is the truth. Throughout my journey, people left me. People didn’t believe how sick I was or how much pain I felt. People stopped calling. People blamed me for not being able to participate in activities. But, not God, He encouraged me, loved me, and gave me hope and comfort.
Yes, this sounds all so lovey dovey and peachy. Getting to this point was and is not easy. I have been upset with God. I’ve yelled at Him. I’ve gone back to sin, only to realize that my soul craves Him deeply. It doesn’t matter what I am facing, but simply my life is nothing without serving and worshipping Him. As the saying goes, “Everything in your life is God allowed or God ordained.” So, why would a loving God allow this condition to come upon me? I don’t know. However, I do know that the safest place I can be is in God’s hand.
All throughout the David’s psalms, he says things such as, “Your right hand has held me up…”, “Into your hand I commit my spirit…”,”Save with your right hand…” and many more. David delighted being in the Father’s hands, especially in times of judgement. He understood that as long as the Lord’s hand was upon him, that God would continuously extend His grace, mercy, strength, and blessing towards him. Throughout scripture, the right hand is mentioned about 166 times. The right hand represents sovereignty, authority, strength and blessing. Although you may be going through trying times and waiting for a breakthrough, remember that you are in the safest place you can be, which is in the Father’s hands. Keep pressing into the Lord and let Him build your faith.